That’s my Grandma (my mom’s mom).
She lived in Florida.
She drove a Dodge Super Bee.
She could be as mean as an alligator which is ironic since her neighbor had a 6ft pet alligator named Susie.
Or maybe the neighbor’s name was Susie.
It doesn’t matter, the lady had an alligator as a pet.
That’s my brother.
He was Grandma’s favorite which is quite apparent since he’s sitting on her lap and I’m sitting in a box.
One last thing: I have the exact same hairdo from when I was a 1 and 1/2 year old.
This stalker waited 15 minutes for me to get out of my car so he could attack me.
I gave him an “amaro” filter so you can see first hand how creepy he really is. Watch your back people, he’s still at large.
There’s nothing more disturbing to me than Reba McEntire dressed up as Colonel Sanders.
#considermegone #disturbing #rebamcentire #colonelsanders #kfc #creepy #itaintright #desoave #humor
How I envision Easter mass 2019…
Den angrily whispering to me, “Stop eating your dress!”
Arrive at airport ✈️
People coughing and sneezing which is kicking my germ phobia into overdrive. 😷
Get stopped through security 👮 on account of the Himalayan Crystal Salt Night Light my friend bought me.
(G.S.is out to get me, huh?)
Reach my concourse ✈️
Umpteen seats available and I pick the one directly across from “SWEET INDULGENCES” 🍫
I’m not sure if I’m more upset that I have to face my addiction this early in the morning or the fact it’s not open yet. 🤔
#airport #travel #security #soearlyinthemorning #germphobia #sweetaddict #chocolatehelpseverything #desoave
My theory as to why I gain 5.5 pounds every time I visit my hometown.
1st picture: I won’t mention any names but I’m convinced my friend of 50 years with the initials G.S. is trying to sabotage my prescribed “diet” with this heavenly and irresistible dessert. The perfect murder weapon.
2nd picture: Check this out…My children’s bonus mom (and their lil sis) take my daughter and I to dinner and she has the nerve to agree on a restaurant that serves Atomic cake! Totally premeditated.
Throw in “random” subtle suggestions to “swing” by Portillos (that might have been me) and the constant bullying me into eating at Mexican restaurants (again, me) all contributed to murdering my diet.
Fingers crossed that my 3 childhood friends don’t have any tricks up their sleeve today when I meet them for tacos. 🌮
#dessertaddict #dessertsabotage #atomiccake #mexicanfood #tacos #hometownvisit #feelingbloated #goinghometodetox #desoave
De Soave’s advice to you if you are 49 1/2 years old or older…
Buy Cheater/reader glasses in bulk at Sams Club. 👓 👓 👓 👓
Taking Glucosamine may or may not actually help joint pain but all that matters is you think it does.
Unless you enjoy heartburn finish eating 2 hours before bed. 🍕🍔🍟
Otherwise, you will constantly be googling the symptoms between heartburn and a heart attack.
Strange limps upon rising will disappear 30-45 minutes after getting up OR you can google stretches that you can do from the comfort of your 🛏.
Your lower back will most likely hurt on and off (even when you do your physical therapy exercises) until the day you die. I have no advice but I thought you should know.
Last but not least, being in a relationship with someone close to your own age is better for your psyche at this stage in life.
Together you can share cheater/reader glasses, Glucosamine, stretch routines and Tums.
Remember…sharing is caring.
#aginggracefully #cheaterglasses #glasses #glucosamine #jointpain #heartburn #tums #stretch #backpain #relationshipgoals #desoave #agingtogether #humor #gottalaugh